Ever heard of the karma-burning letter? The first time I heard of this process was through my counselor. She shared how she wrote a letter containing the negative painful thoughts and memories from her past relationship and then burnt it in her kitchen sink. She shared that the process triggered such an inner pent-up release, that watching the letter burn away her pain, hurt, and anger gave her the opportunity to set herself free. Free from holding on to negative and toxic energy she’s been carrying with her for years. She suggested I do the same. It took me months to take the step but I finally did it this afternoon.
It took me months because I forgave the ex 5 years ago for a painful divorce which happened 7 years ago. I thought I had already released everything, the negative energy, the resentment, the emotions, etc. In fact, the spiritual joy that has entered my life since the divorce has been nothing more than divine. I couldn’t help but feel gratitude for the experience. We are all human and we all make mistakes. But when we make the same mistakes repeatedly, it is no longer a mistake. It then becomes a choice. To choose not to learn from our mistakes is indeed a conscious decision. That is just one thing I thought I came to terms with regarding my failed marriage, hence one of the reasons I forgave and understood. Because we are not perfect beings. The divorce was a blessing in disguise, for both of us. However, I was in for an unexpected surprise.
My counselor recognized earlier this year that I still carried hurt, pain, resentment, anger, you name it. And I carried fear. Fear that the past could possibly repeat itself. It was ingrained in me apparently, and it only surfaced from time to time. Triggers I suppose. I’ve met an enormous amount of amazing spiritual beings since the divorce and I couldn’t have been more blessed. However, I recognized a pattern. The fears deeply rooted surfaces when I find myself becoming growing closer to a male, and so the fear of the past repeating itself, and the lack of trust brings energy that can prevent me from truly moving forward. Our heart guides us towards spiritual beings whom we connect with, the individuals we are meant to surround ourselves with, and it brings much warmth and comfort but it is our mind where lack of control begins. The mind, the thoughts and the memories… it was definitely time to take my counselor’s advice because nonetheless, I wanted to keep moving forward in a healthy manner throughout my journey.
So how do I even begin to write this karma-burning letter? I didn’t even know how to begin to be honest. I just knew that the right events have been triggering a lot of feelings these past several days, not-so-good feelings that makes my heart hurt with a bit of a fright I suppose. The emotions and feelings were good because this is exactly what I needed to feel in order to let loose and unload on paper, or in my case, unload in MS Word. So I googled the karma burning letter for guidance and surely, I got guidance.
I don’t know how long it took me. But I started with a gentle letter, from an understanding perspective. Was I kidding myself? Yes I was! After a couple of deliberate breaks (I obviously didn’t want to really face what I was about to do), I let loose. I unloaded and I let it all out. Almost four pages of anger, resentment, hatred, disappointment, you name it! Everything you could possibly think of that was negative, toxic, pent-up and needed to be released was released in this letter. It tore me up a bit to think I had these types of feelings pent up inside of me and I admit, there are times I am afraid to permit myself to feel emotions like these because I don’t want to spread negative energy let alone breathe negative energy into our universe. But choosing to not release this type of energy only results in pent-up energy that can become toxic, deeply rooted, and passed on to innocent individuals whom we have compassion and care for. Because when we share or express love, not only do we share positive feelings, but the negativity from the past experiences accompanies as part of that package, and it will surface and can be harmful to any relationship.
So… I felt such a release just writing this letter! With my box of tissues next to me, I printed out my letter and read it again… and again. I felt the emotion from my words on paper. I allows myself to feel the hurt and I permitted myself to feel the sadness. And at the same time, I felt God’s love. God’s comfort through every human being he has sent to me who have impacted my life spiritually, compassionately, lovingly, profoundly, emotionally. It was time for me to set aside these deep buried feelings and that’s where this letter I held in my hands played a significant role. This was it. The pain expressed on paper.
Where to burn the letter? Well, I didn’t want to do it in my kitchen sink. I felt like I wanted to release this into nature. The backyard seemed like the right place to do it. I made a wide bowl using Reynold’s wrap, after all I needed something to burn this letter in. I figured I can then easily crumble it up with the ashes in it, throw it in a plastic grocery bag and toss it into the garbage can, right where the remnants belong.
My heart beated fast this afternoon, like a mile a minute. Super fast! And it was because I was concerned a neighbor might actually see me in the privacy of my own backyard (go figure) or that I may start a fire outside accidentally. In fact, when I started to burn the letter outside, it quickly caught on fire that I wasn’t sure why I didn’t think of bringing a gallon of water with me just in case. I did run back into the house while the letter was burning mid-way to grab that gallon of water and when I came back outside, it was finished. It was done. The letter had burned and there was nothing but ashes left in the bowl I made.
Darn. I missed the pleasure of the letter burning experience because I was a little distracted. So I decided to print another copy (thankfully I hadn’t deleted it from my computer just yet) and this time kept that bottle of water outside just in case. I squatted, lit the letter on fire and watched it burn. The anger, resentment, pain, past memories lifted into the air with the smoke. To me, it represented God taking away the pain for me, the way the smoke just disappeared into the air, it was actually a beautiful experience. Emotional, beautiful… whatever you’d like to call it. In fact, it was such a moment that I decided I just had to write about it tonight and share this experience. You just never know, there may be someone out there who may be hurting just as much as I did, if not more, and may need a healthy way to release their pain and pent-up negative energy. I pray for whoever you are, because I know that tonight, it felt good. It felt really really good in fact. I was reminded of the higher power, the one who loves me unconditionally, the one who just wants me to grow spiritually, wiser, stronger and to continue spreading good positive energy anywhere I go. This afternoon’s karma-burning experience was one step towards this and I am so glad I did it. In fact, it was meant to happen this very afternoon.
If you’re carrying deeply ingrained pain within your heart, I’d like to take this opportunity to offer a blessing to you. May your heart be healed and may you be surrounded not only by friends and family who are capable of comforting you and your precious heart, but may God step in and remove that pain from within you permanently. May you be able to trust again, love again and enjoy the precious moments and people that God has placed in your path for you to enjoy throughout your journey. May your heart be filled with only peace, love and joy and may your painful experiences be transformed into loving energy that can only heal and touch the lives of many others you will cross paths with.